I Hate the Way Things Are

So I have alot on my mind guys. I didn't know what else to do besides blog. I'm tired of talking about the same shit, and being down about the same shit, so the only thing left to do is blog...

I hate the way things are between us right now. I can't even talk to you now w/out feeling lost and confused. I was doing so well. Why did i ever have a real conversation w/u after that last surgery?? I'm so stuck now. Everytime I allow myself to feel this stupid shit. I know you're full of shit yet I listen, and a part of me hopes that maybe you're actually serious, or maybe now you'll actually stop the lying and the bullshit, but WHO THE HELL AM I KIDDING?! IDK if you'll ever change or if we'll ever be meant to be. All the lies about how you miss the way we were too, and you want US back more that words. YOURE SO FULL OF SHIT!! We're at 2 diff places. I know I go in on you all the time w/all the whore talk, and name calling but seriously...don't get me wrong...you are a disgusting whore to me, but strangely I still love you w/my whole being (which, frankly, i dont get), but its deeper than just that. You want to party and bullshit ALL THE TIME, and I'm just not there. I'm focusing on recovery, and taking steps towards a career one day, bettering myself mentally and emotionally, chillin out w/alot of unnecessary shit. I wanted us to grow...together! I thought you were starting to be on the same page as I am, but now I see...you're just not. I'm too reserved, and you're too out there. Maybe we are just WAY TOO DIFFERNT! It hurts my heart to think that. On top of which you wont compromise. I ask you for one simple thing, and I said we can work on us, and you cant even comply. I dont ask for much, but this just shows me and confirms that we'll probably never be b/c this one thing...that one person...i cannot tolerate if she's in your life. You think I'm stupid, but I'm not! I know so much more than u even realize, and each time you let the lies roll off your tongue I respect you less and less as a person. I'm to the point now where I wish I never met you, and thats harsh, I know. It's the truth tho. I know you're not supposed to regret things, but if i could turn back the hands of time...you would have NEVER entered my life. Sometimes I borderline hate you for how you've made me feel, and even moreso I sometimes hate myself for allowing you to have this effect on me. I know you'll never see this blog, and thats fine. That's good actually. I just need to get this off my chest. I'm sure after I'm done typing I feel the same, but fuck it! I'm so angry with you...sometimes I get upset b/c I'm hurt from the accident YOU got us in. The accident YOU barely got hurt in. The accident that's changed my life FOREVER! I just want to be 100% normal again...I want my hand to look right, I want the stiffness to go away...Idc if im going off right now...its how i feel. Am I thankful for my hand...hell yes I am. I'm thankful beyond words that I'm even alive, but I swear sometimes it's hard, and I'm tired. Tired of everything. Tired of feeling anything for you, and damn sure sick of being in love with you. I'll be so glad when all my feelings for you have faded. Long story short you always apologize for ruining my day, well bitch, apologize for ruining my fucking life!

*hugs and love*
-icandy21

An Asshole Load of Pics...and I'm back at work lol

Hey lovies! I'm back in action! I'll be here 3 days a week, 6hrs a day b/c I'm still in therapy, and I have like 2 surgeries left. To all of you that have commented on recent posts...I can finally comment back lol...my phone was smokin' rocks and wouldn't let me comment on shit! Motherbitches! Also...I have a few new pics to put up...Post Surgery pics :)...ive finally started going out a lil more. My heart is still broken, but time heals all hearts...i think. Anyway, have u missed me? Cuz ive damn sure missed you...show me love...spread the word...iCandy is back like cooked crack. I won't have any wild sex stories cuz well...im not having sex lol, but im sure you'll be entertained! Enjoy the pics...I may leave em at the top cuz ion feel like draggin shit...blogger be trippin! Oh yeah, and I got skinny, and I want my weight back lol...grrrrr

*hugs and love*
-iCandy

I Feel Shitty

This break-up is taking its toll on me! On top of the fact that my hand has a long way 2 go in recovering from the accident. I've been crying all morning. I cry almost every day. Im at my parent's house, not working, lacking affection, and I feel like my hearts been ripped out my chest. I want to be held, hugged, comforted, and told im going to be ok, but I cry alone. I talk on the phone, and I've cried on the phone, but I need someone physically here. Sleeping alone sucks. Waking up alone sucks. Being in the house all day alone sucks. I miss Inkie....more than I should. Im very vulnerable and emotional right now since the accident and since physical therapy...I need her. Ugh this fucking sucks and idk how im going to make it thru all of this. Oh yeah, my friend LA that be havin me smoked out...he passed 2 saturdays ago smh. He was like my brother. I can't catch a break!

*hugs and love*
-iCandy

She was a hoe, fo' sho...

and that's why Inkie and I are broken up!

*hugs and love*
-iCandy

Car Accident!!

Hey fam! Im finally able to blog. I haven't been neglecting you on purpose. I haven't been to a computer much nor have I had my kick (just got a new 1 last night) because...

On Feb 22 Inkie and I got into a bad car accident. Ill explain it more in depth later bc its hard to even type this now. B4 u panic, Inkie is ok. She cut her hand, but the cuts have healed in2 scars. She said to tell you all hello! As for me...I got hurt a bit worse! I got a left hand deglovement (ill explain later but don't panic, I have all my fingers lol). I had surgery on my hand Feb 23. They had to take a skin flap and do a tissue transplant both from my left thigh. I was n the hospital for 9 days and I stayed with my parents 4 a month after that. My 2nd surgery is next Thursday, April 16, so keep me in your prayers. I have 1 to 2 more after the 1 next week.

Other than my hand im ok. Im expected to return to work at the end of May. I miss u all! Hit me up. Ill check in more now that I have my sidekick back. I can only type wit my right hand lol, but at least that's my dominant side! Woot woot! Shouts out to my Sexxy Luv!

*hugs and love*
iCandy

Update Blogfam

Hey everyone! I've missed you all so much, but I have a new confession:


I'M ADDICTED TO BACKGAMMON!!!

Now, I know ya'll prolly think I'm joking, but forreal. I stopped playing Yatzy and everything. Pink's been getting on me about blogging, so...here I am to save the world! lol

Moving right along, I guess I'll give you all some updates:

Me and Inkie: We are still together. She's really changed alot (although at this very moment I'm being a P.I., and if she slips up I plan to find out). She just doesn't think, but I'm glad I can see a difference in her. Now don't yall get it twisted...she has ONE TIME to really fuck up again, and these cheeks will no longer be hers! Anyway, our 1 Year anniversary is coming up on February 23, and I have this nice lil getaway planned. We're going to the Stroudsmoor Country Inn in Stroudsbourg, PA. When we get there I have a couples massage planned at the spa in this beautiful couples loft. Our room will have strawberries and champagne waiting, and some cute lil anniversary cake (that's corny, but it's part of the deal lol). We have dinner reservations there, and breakfast reservations the next morning. The Inn has an indoor pool, and hot tub, and the set up of our room looks like it will be amazing. I'm excited! I need a damn getaway!!! Feb. 23 can't come fast enough. With that being said...we're on sex strike until we go lol. We're tryna let the beat build. I wanna explode and feel like the 4th of July in that bitch...fire works and all are gonna fill our room lol.

My Weight: So I've finally started to gain a few lbs back. I'm not sure how much I weigh now b/c the last time I got on the scale I was disappointed; I'd only gained like 3lbs. Now...yesterday I got out the shower and Inkie was like, "aww shit boo...ur ass is coming back." I didn't see it, but...I do see that my stomach and rib area doesn't look like a skeletal display anymore, so...thats good. I'm about to hit the gym, and whip my stomach up something proper, and then let my ass just grow and grow and grow...I'mma be PHAT TO DEATH, and I'mma keep gettin PHATTER!! I'mma have ASS FOR DAYS like I used to lol.

My Resentment: I don't remember if I even told you all about the resentment I have in my heart for my gf, but it's def there. It's a struggle for me everyday to let that shit go. I've been reading up on how to forgive, and get over shit. It's gotten much better, but I still harbor anger and disgust in a lil area of my heart towards Inkie, and I hope in time it will go away.

My family: Everyone/thing is doing well! Pepsi and Mr. Oddball are still the hottest pussies around, and I now have a new edition to the bunch! Introducing:

Sa'Mor the Guinea Pig aka The Pig



Now...let me tell ya'll about the Pig! He's adorable...he really is. He's so cute and chill, but...I CAN'T STAND THAT PIG!! He doesn't do anything but shit, and sit ON TOP of his house. He's just a hassel and a half, and I hate that we ever bought him, and we're trying to give him away!!! Any DMV area bloggers want a guinea pig? I'll give u all of his belongings +him...for the small fee of NOTHING...I'll give that man to you!! All you gotta do is say the word, and he's yours. Just be sure to take good care of him cuz he is cute, and I do love him...I just...ugh lol

I guess those are all the updates for now. Maybe next week I'll write ya'll a story cuz I'm sure something's bound to happen this weekend, or..matter of fact I'll write about the hookup I now have at Friday's, and about going drunk bowling last weekend lol. Muah muah muah...I've missed you all!

*hugs and love*
-iCandy

Weekend Debauchery

First off, let me just say that I've been slackin' like shit since my return to the blogs! I deeply apologize, but I have a confession...I'M ADDICTED TO YATZY ONLINE!!! I have all intentions on blogging, and commenting, and then I'll end up playing Yatzy during all my free time, and before I know it the work day is done, and I haven't done shit on blogger!! I will do better though...I'm going to excercise some restraint and give Yatzy a rest.

That being said...here I am, and boy oh boy do I have a weekend story for you all! I'm sure some of you miss my freaky, kinky, hot, steamy, lesbian sex stories, BUT alas...I have yet another!

So...let me just say that I've been intoxicated EVERY NIGHT since last Saturday! I'm giving it a break for a few days lol. Friday night Inkie and I went to this hookah bar near our house, and I ended up seeing this white boy I went to elementary and middle school with. It was him and 3 of his friends. He didn't recognize me at first, but then after I said my name and what schools I went to, he was like..."omg you were smart and nerdy as a mother fucker, yet you were so cool" LMAO cuz he aint never lied about that one. I was such a geek, but I was the cool, phat ass, got all the boys geek smh. Anyway, his friend ended up paying for our hookah, b/c they all wanted us to go with them to this lil club/restaurant called the Thirsty Turtle. We went with them, and the black guy in the group was OFF THE HOOK. He's who paid for our hookah, and he was trying to holler at me, but he didnt know Inkie is my gf. Then he gon yell, "Ey, Osama" to the man at the hookah bar. SMH I would NEVER take him any where when he was drunk if that was my friend. He was drunk as shit and just stupid. By the time we all got to the Thirsty Turtle, Inkie and I were feeling pretty swell b/c we had made a drink to take into the hookah bar. Once we had been inside for a while, one of the white boys suggested we leave and go play beer pong! Man that shit was the shit!! We chilled with them til like 2am, and then went home and passed out lol.

Saturday...here's where the freaky shit went down! So...we pretty much chilled all day Saturday until around 7pm. We went to get new rings for our piercings. On our way, our friend asked us if we wanted to go to this Gogo spot called the Icon that has different gogo bands play every Saturday night. That's a story in itself, but basically we didn't end up going into the club, and we went back home. On our way back in the house this girl we know (lets call her T), calls and is like her and her folks wanna slide through, and drink and chill with us. We like...iight bet! They didn't get to the house til around....2 cuz we had gotta home around 1:45 ourselves. So it was T, her lady friend, T's besti, and this phat ass white girl named Kitten. When I say Kitten is phat as a bitch...I am not even lying!! Anyway, they brung like a gallon of some cheap ass vodka. At this point we were pretty tipsy b/c split a bottle of Pink, and then had some Skyy Vodka with some tasty ass juice. Everybody was drinking and getting fucked up...dancing, playing twister, drinking games...like it was live. So after a while...T's friends start calling her out about how she talked all this shit about fucking Kitten, and she like, "I would let her fuck me", and blah blah blah, so Kitten goes over to her and starts feeling on her...next thing I know, T is naked, and her lady friend is suckin her titties w/Kitten. Kitten is like suckin titties, playin with T's pussy...biting T. The shit was like...like a soft 3some!! So then, they like oh yeah someone strap her, and what not. Long story short...I strapped T!! I kept saying I didn't wanna do it cuz I felt like it was cheating, but Inkie was like its not cheating...ur not really fucking her...and all this stuff...everyone was just like Candy come on...do it...do it, so...i did it! I was laughing the whole time...it's on video camera. It was just a wild night!! So after all that went down, Inkie and I were ready to get our own shit poppin'! They had all asked if we had sex could they watch, so we said yeah. I was in the room before Inkie, and I heard her tell them to come in the room in like 10 min, and if we were doing it they could stay. So sure enough, they all come in the room, and Inkie and I were getting it in! Everyone sat down to watch...2 girls were on one side of the bed sitting on the floor, and 2 were on the other sitting on the floor. We doing our thing, and next thing I know...I look to the left, and they done started gettin freaky on the dance floor (well not really the dance floor, but it felt right to say lol). I guess us fuckin' made them wanna do it too. There were so many moans in the room...yes lawd! That's all I can say. All-in-all...noone went to bed until 7:30am!! I had so much fun Saturday night, and I paced myself drinking so that I didn't get sick!!

Clearly everyone stayed the night, so Sunday they all were at the house all day, and didn't leave until like...4:30 or 5pm. When everyone got up forreal, we watched the videos from the night b4...the dancing and acting crazy, the baby 3some, and the strapping lol. Then Inkie and I bunned up in the room while they were all chillin' out front. So we in the bed looking at possible new tattos we may want, and I'm bout to get on Google to search some symbols, and she like..."rub it". *brow raise*...I ask..."rub what?"...So she whines kinda, and says, "rub ittttt." Again, I ask, "rub what??"...she says, "my pussy"....well well well blogworld...she aint say nothin' but a word. I put my sidekick down, and proceeded to please my lady, and when she got what she needed, I washed my hands, and went back to Google as planned lol. Then last night, we went to Hooter's. On our way we picked up LA, and when we got there we each had 2 big mugs of Heinekin. So yanno, when we left LA of course asks do I wanna hit the tweeds, bet! Mannnnnnn ya'll I think I may be done with chiefin'. I was so high it didn't make ANY sense, and what's sad is that I hit the tweeds for ONE rotation...3 pulls! It was like every minute I felt higher, and higher, and higher. It was some Blueberry, Kush, and reg fire mixed *sigh*...smh. I think I really am gonna leave it alone for a while lol...I don't wanna be that high again cuz I still dont feel right today lol.

Anyway, that was my weekend folks! Hope yours was as wonderful as mine! And lmao I wrote this 3 days ago...sorry!